The Art of Doing What You Want

At first blush, the statement “I do what I want” sounds awfully wicked.  But doing what you want is an art form.  When done properly, it is a beautiful thing.

Following your curiosity can be a beautiful thing, when done properly.

Doing what you want is not about hurting others.  It is about being who you are without compromise.  It is about being the very best you that you can be.  It is about having the courage to face your demons and emerge victorious.  It is about being kind and thoughtful, caring and compassionate.

When you go out into the world being the best version of yourself, you can do what you want, because you’re not out to hurt anyone.  Does it still sound wicked?  Let me give you some examples.

When I go to work, I make sure I do all of my work.  I take the appropriate time to make sure it is done correctly and thoroughly.  I go back and correct my mistakes.  If I go too quickly and catch a mistake after I’ve submitted it, I apologize, admit that I’ve made a mistake, and ask to resubmit the corrected document.  My boss and I generally laugh it off, because it doesn’t happen often.

When my work is done, I might take a long walk.  I might read a book.  I might file my nails or have a conversation with a coworker.  I can do these things because everyone knows that I would not be doing them if I had work to do.  I carry a heavy workload, but I always find time to do what I want.

At first, doing what I wanted might be going to a club with a friend 15 years my junior, just because I wanted to go.  I might go to the bar and read a book while sipping a drink and eating some fries.  I might binge watch a show on some streaming service.

But as time went on, I found that doing those things became boring.  By allowing myself to push the boundaries, I essentially scratched the itch.  It became about doing the thing I wanted to do, doing that thing until it started having a negative affect on me, acknowledging that effect, and then choosing to let the thing go.

As I have healed and evolved, I find that I don’t want to do anything that harms me.  I don’t want to drink alcohol or use other substances.  I don’t want to introduce toxins into my system if I can help it.  I don’t want to hurt anyone.  Doing what I want has evolved too.

Now doing what I want means choosing food that makes me feel good, not heavy or bloated.  Doing what I want means being productive and having clear goals.

It could be as simple as choosing water instead of soda.  But I had to drink the soda to crave the water.  It might be about eating a healthy meal I prepared myself, but I had to eat the fast food to choose to eat healthy.

The key was to do the thing I wanted to do without guilt, expectation, or anxiety.  I was making an informed choice.  I was choosing to have a drink, knowing what the consequences were.

The difference was that rather than beating myself up for doing it, I became aware of how making that choice affected me.  I realized that I didn’t want to feel that way.  I made the correlation between that choice and how it impacted other areas of my life.

If I had that drink, then I wouldn’t sleep well that night.  I would feel lethargic the next day.  In fact, having that drink would affect me for days after I drank it.  Finally, I gave up drinking altogether.  Six months later, I went out with a friend to celebrate her birthday.  I had a drink, just for the fun of it, because I do what I want.

But before the night was over, my throat was sore and scratchy.  I couldn’t fall asleep for hours.  The next day, I was lethargic and congested.  I was craving food that I hadn’t craved for a long time.  I decided then and there that I was done drinking.  I don’t miss it.

That is the beauty of doing what you want.  It doesn’t work if you lie to yourself or make excuses.  You must be bold and do the thing.  Scratch the itch.  Satisfy the craving.  Make the decision.  Be aware of how that decision affects the other parts of your life.  Is the person you want to be congruent with the craving you’ve satisfied?

The unbreakable rule you must follow is to never harm another person.  If you choose to harm yourself, that is your choice.  Know your boundaries.  The moment you harm another soul, you lose the right to do what you want.

The other point that ought to be made is that if you suffer from addiction and that addiction is uncontrollable, having that drink or smoking that cigarette is not recommended.  There are boundaries to doing what you want.

In these cases, my recommendation would be to hypothetically scratch the itch.  Meditation or journaling are wonderful ways to do this.  Begin by writing or thinking about what satisfying that craving looks like for you.  Then think about how satisfying that craving will play out for you.  Try to understand why that happens.

The art of doing what you want is not at all what it sounds like, is it?  It’s about being honest with yourself and choosing to be better, not because you have to, but because you truly want to.  If you want your life to change, you have to actively work for that change.  It doesn’t just happen because you wish for it.

What would doing what you want look like for you?  How could it change your life?